Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
