Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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