I'm eating all of the evidence.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
