walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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