I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
