Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
