No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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