I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
