Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize