Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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