so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
