Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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