I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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