i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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