Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
