break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
