Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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