Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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