"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
