I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
