so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
