I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
