This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
