she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
