Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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