He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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