The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
