thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
