11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
