I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
where are my eyebrows?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
