so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
