i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
