so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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