im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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