The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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