I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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