Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
