I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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