Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
