they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
