I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you had me at cake vodka
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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