Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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