i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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