i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
