Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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