i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
