Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
