Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
