she was so not down for the gang bang
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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