Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
