So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize