all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
