no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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