It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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