hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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