every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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