i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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