Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
