never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
