this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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