My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
