he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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