I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
