Betty ford says i'm here all night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
