Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
