I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
