Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
