I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
