I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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