it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
