escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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