she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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