After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
