Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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