I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
