It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
