I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
