Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
