Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
