I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
