just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
