Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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