I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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