He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
