what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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